Having read a post on my friend Nicole’s blog (which I highly suggest), in which she describes her anxiety, and having shared a bit of my past on this blog in the past, I’ve come to the conclusion that I might have to go on and expel potential demons I might have or not. Life has this habit of putting people in boxes, akin to possible jails without bars, and create categorized groups based on psychological traits one might have. For instance, we have introverts (such as I) and we have extroverts (such as many in society). Then, within these groups, there are subcategories, as if the general classification was not enough. I never understood the point of putting people in boxes, to be quite honest.
Where am I going with this, you might ask yourself? I’m getting there. All good things come to those who wait, as the saying goes. I’ve recently been under psychological observation. I am not crazy (even though I talk to myself quite often and I create worlds like many other in my “species”) but it was deemed to be a necessity, so that I can function according to society’s “normalcy” standards. That’s a whole other debate. Might be the topic of an upcoming post. Who knows? So, the diagnosis (which I haven’t read and, therefore, I can’t confirm) is that I suffer from a lack of social tools. In other words, I cannot interact according to a conversation’s standards and I’m allergic to small talk. (Ironically, this post comes in the days before Christmas, a period known for solitude and moments spent with oneself). To put an image on what I feel and what I show on the social media stage, imagine seeing a clown. Happy under the spotlights and not-so-happy when the spotlights are shut down.
Since this hits my psyche, there are no treatments, no pills, no plans of action. I just have to learn to live with the fact that I’m special and that this word is not used in a positive perspective. I must admit, in conclusion, that I juggled with the idea of writing this blog post. This is, after all, me pulling a thick curtain on my private life and putting my heart on the table, for people to read and, hopefully, to react.
Thanks for reading.
PS: My friend Nicole’s post can be found here: